It’s About His Faithfulness

I looked over at the clock. It was just after four in the morning, and I was wide awake. Hoping to get back to sleep, I turned over…again and again. It was no use. Finally I wore down and fell asleep just before day break. I had never experienced sleeplessness before this. Now I routinely awoke in the middle of night feeling overwhelmed, with questions racing through my mind. Am I crazy? What am I doing to my family? How are we going to pay our bills? Why am I dragging my wife through this? Is this just a flight of fancy?

I wasn’t only facing my own doubts but the doubts of others also. Often it came in the form of a blank stare and silence when we tried to explain. Occasionally it came from words of discouragement. From a mission leader, “The only reason this works for you is because of contextualization. Churches in the south understand the need. It would never work in Chicago.” From a mission’s recruiter, “You can’t eat faith!” And from a church leader, “God doesn’t work that way anymore.”

Doubt erodes faith. On the other hand, we are only kidding ourselves if we say we never have bouts with it. One lesson I have learned about faith (and doubt) is that it is not so much about my faith as it is about His faithfulness. God is the one who made the promises, and He is the one who keeps them. It rests on His character, not my ability to have a giant faith. Ups and downs are par for the course. Doubts do come. In it all He remains faithful. Our trust is in God not in ourselves.

Both God’s words and works gave us blazing beacons of His faithfulness. Psalms were particularly encouraging, “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” * As for the works, I do not have time to tell about luggage and laptop computers, squash, tomatoes and apple butter, the couple who handed us a gift early on with the words, “For your start of a walk of faith.” A complete stranger from New Orleans who sent a check, and a missionary couple from Liberia who took us to dinner and told African stories to our children. The telephone call asking if I could use a pair of shoes not knowing I was living with cracked soles. And there’s one of the most amazing of all, nine separate gifts totaling $1500 when we were within days of no way to pay our bills.

It leaves no doubt in my mind that faith is not about my ability to walk on water but about His faithfulness.

*(Psalm 9:10 as well as 3:5-5; 6:6; 25:3; 42:5; 69:15-18; 78:4-8; 111:5; 119:90)